one day
they might take apart up my brain,
but they won’t be able to put pieces into jars which say:
first heartbreak,
darkest day,
last walk in the rain,
or when I went insane.
they can’t categorise each time I got hurt once again,
they can’t watch the memories replay,
they won’t feel the heartache
because they can’t pry out the pain.
they will not analyse,
nor scrutinise
anything of weight.
they will not see,
nor understand the rarity
of all the things I attained.
they will not hear me explain
the spots in my head
that hungered for free reign.
they will not feel my tears
as I plead and bleed before them,
begging that they comprehend
the sliver of my life that they could see.
they can slice my being into bits
but they will never know the outs and ins
of my head or my heart,
and everything it took not to lose it.
they can record my dying breath:
the hour, the minute, the second,
but they will never count the years
I was sick, and all of the drowning tears.
these are secrets hidden deep in my soul;
they are for no one’s ears;
those handling my body will never be told,
and my mysteries will never be clear.
after all of this—
all that seemed so large—
in their hearts there will be no hole,
for they never cared what stories were hiding inside me;
they never desired to be told.
one day
they might take apart my brain,
and scan the images ingrained,
but they will never know the tears I shed,
and all the hidden pain.
they might restrain my body in some kind of cage
but my mind will always be free.
maybe if they’d known I couldn’t be contained,
they might have finally listened to me.
so they will never know
and they will never feel
just how hollow
I felt, and how real.
they will never see
the truth inside of me,
and they will never wish
to peer into my abyss.
all of this is all right
and everything is okay;
they don’t need to know the fight
I fought every day.
the pain of morning and night
yes, it was all in vain.
so one day they might
take apart my brain
but they won’t see me inside
and they won’t see the pain.
they will go on to live
free from their chains;
they will forget and forgive
but not me, ever again.
Anonymous
