Valentine’s is that notorious day that falls on the 14th of February, every year. Now, I personally have a very strong love/hate relationship with the holiday. The times in primary school when a boy would awkwardly hand me a box of chocolates and a flower, the times my partners would let me down, my dad going out of his way to spoil all the important girls in his life, my friends complaining and showing appreciation for me and each other. Valentine’s Day is not simply the day of romantic love, it is a day to celebrate love in all its forms. But that’s not what you would’ve thought of when I say the date, isn’t it?
No, you would’ve thought of your special someone, your crush, your lonely single status, or that one couple that makes your veins burn with a fiery jealousy. We’ve all been there, trust me. The stigma with Valentine’s Day is that it has to be purely romantic, and those who have no romance in their lives cannot participate in the holiday. They are condemned to be ostracised by society and the happiness around them. The holiday is designed to pit singles against those taken, and the two shall not mix.
Picture this:
Two best friends, both with opposite relationship statuses. One has a partner in school, and is happy that Valentine’s is approaching. The other is happily single, focusing more on her academics and clubs. She is unfazed by the approaching date until the inevitable questions start rolling in. “What’s your Valentine’s plans?” “Who are you asking?” “Going on a date?” Friend two, who was originally very self-assured, is now dropped into the Valentine’s Day chaos. The day comes, and her friend gets balloons, flowers, chocolates, and stuffed toys. The other? Not even a little note.
“Can you imagine being single on Valentine’s Day? What a lame thing,” they hear someone chuckle loudly. What should’ve been a random Friday turns into the most miserable day of her year thus far. Happy couples parading around campus, flaunting their love in everyone’s faces. Oblivious or acutely aware of the hateful eyes glaring them down.
The holiday isn’t even just sad for the singles, but those who are in a relationship. The disappointment when your partner forgets or puts no effort in, or the awkward pressure to act more romantic because all eyes are on you. Friends asking what special thing you have planned, what you got them, and how you asked them to be your Valentine. All things you wouldn’t be asked on a regular day. But now, it becomes a massive spectacle of something that should be private.
The worst part? You’re expected to do something for them, but keep it secret enough not to hurt those single friends’ feelings. The pressure of it all can put a damper on the holiday for you and your special someone, or worse, they forget or simply do not celebrate it. Now the holiday is ruined for you, all because of unrealistic expectations, societal standards, and the pressure to perform the way the holiday is ‘meant’ to be.
No one wins on Valentine’s Day. It’s pressure for couples who are just fine keeping themselves on the down low, or a heartbreak for them. It is a pressure for singles to get a partner and a heartbreak for them to watch the couples. But hey! If you’re one of the happy couples that love Valentine’s, good on you! You should enjoy it. If you’re in the same boat as me, alone on Valentine’s but extremely glad to be so, I’m proud of you! If you are the people who felt pressured, who had their hearts broken by a dumb, sad holiday, switch it up. View it not as a romantic holiday, but a day to celebrate all kinds of love in your life.
The best way to explain why Valentine’s should celebrate all kinds of love stems from the Greek Gods. In Greek Mythology, there is not just one god of love, but seven or eight of them! Most of them are the more common gods, like Aphrodite and Eros, but there are many others for all kinds of love: unrequited love, mutual affection, marital love. There are so many types of love that the Greeks needed more than one cupid to embody them. So, why should Valentine’s belong to just one form of love when there are so many types of love that we experience daily? The love we feel for our families, friends, peers, partners, surroundings, etc.
But instead, it is a day focused on making a spectacle of your love or admiration for someone else. Why must there be this pressure on everyone to find someone? This idea that we cannot be happy unless we are with another seems strange if we cannot find joy unless we have a partner by our side. While yes, being with someone is lovely, it has its downsides. There are couples on Valentine’s with uneven ratios of effort, leading to the inevitable fight. What could have been a quick “Happy Valentine’s!” with a hug turns into a pressure-filled event that needs a spectacle to be accepted.
I remember the side eye I got from those around me when I said I was single, and happy to be so on Valentine’s. Less money wasted, less expectations, less watching eyes. A day of pure bliss, where I could show my love for the people that mean the most to me. That is what Valentine’s should be about. Instead, it is a glorified cash-grab with such high societal expectations that nearly anyone walks away happy.
In my opinion, that is not the real meaning of Valentine’s. People don’t need to be in a relationship to enjoy this odd holiday. Spending time appreciating your friends, spending time with family, or even showing appreciation to those around you who mean a lot should be the focus of the holiday. The holiday shouldn’t be about who’s with whom, or to see who can complain the most about their relationship status. Enjoy the day! Appreciate the love and support you have around you. Plan a Galentine’s with your friends, talk to that special person and tell someone how much you appreciate them. Show love and kindness in whatever way makes you feel the most connected to your heart.
Ashleigh Jordaan, Year 13
